lost love

January 27, 2009 at 2:24 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , )


Its 4*F outside, 42*F inside the living room, as I yell out the name “James”. There is no reply. It is 6:30 in the morning and it’s very quiet, . There is a blanket of snow on the ground outside, and everything is still. You can feel my breath slowly drifting through the frozen air. Just moments ago I cracked an eyelid open to see James hurrying around and readying himself for his trip back to the rig. The stillness I feel at this moment is both painful and undeniable. He is gone.

He is really gone. Not just gone for a month as was usual. This time James is really gone. We had amicably decided to break up just a few days earlier.  We did our best. We played house, or haus, as James would spell it. We laughed together, we traveled together, and we took care of a house full of pets and those wild eyed goats together. But in the end we just weren’t met to be together.

You really get to know your boyfriend when you hole up with him way out in the desert. I mean you really get to know him! Especially when there is only one nice heated room in your house, and you spend days on end together, eating together, sleeping together, riding in the car together….

I suppose if I find the right person all that togetherness would be absolutely awesome. Maybe there would be less arguing together, and more working together?

I think we did well. We pulled off a relationship that started from one night spent randomly camped along the John Day River. We moved in together before we knew each other.

I turn 30 in 4 days. I am ready to start a whole new decade of my life, and welcome whatever adventures come my way!

I am staying here at the Ranch, along with the cats & dogs. I hope to one day find someone to share a huge part of my heart and my life with. Maybe next time I won’t rush into it so fast, but then again, maybe I will!

Pic below is of the only romeo remaining in my life & heart at this moment:



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